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Welcome to the Thunderdome
Apr. 2nd, 2020 01:33 pmYesterday was a better day. I promised myself I would stay away from reading the news and looking too hard at my social media pages. It worked and the curshing feeling of inevitable doom and almost constant panic attacks was lessoned. I managed to get a lot done.
- I ordered produce from *hopefully* a safer outlet than the grocery store
- I signed up to parking lot pick up my remaining food order at my local Walmart. This Walmart is where I worked for a little over a year, and I am happy to support the fine staff that work there. I will curtail my thoughts about being a Walmart employee, but, I will say, it's a hard gig, and most to all of the store employees deserve more than they get. I'm glad on-line orders go to the store you want to pick up at, and not into the genral pool.
- I arranged for grocery drop-off from my friend to get the final things I would like to have that are unique to that store.
- We're bottling wine, which I hope will not result in my death. I have some anxiety, but I'm giong to do it anyway
Today I looked at the news. I don't regert it. I tried not to linger, and I WONT go back for a second read.
I took the dog for a lunch time walk around our block, which seems to be a good time to avoid people during the week. I think I will shift my afternoon walk to an evening run which will enable me to see less people.
My fear is no less.
I still expect to get sick. I still expect to die. I will feel this overwhelming sinck hole until either a) this is over and we'll be ok or b) I do in fact die.
Today is the overwhelming crush of anixiety that this will never stop. That I will live in this fear forever. We will truely all come out of this with a new found collective ptsd and post pandemic trauma. I wonder how people historically dealt with this fear? This is not a new phenomenon, we are not discovering plague for the first time in our collective world history. Did people just accept it?
Now you see the reasons why history matters? History is intersting and important.
Whelp, for today I appear safe. Tomorrow I will enter the outside world to face the bombs.
